Rahul, My Story

Hyderabadi Heat and Darwin’s Theory of Evolution

Aaryan, May 27, 2010, 05.45pm IST

HYDERABAD: With temperatures soaring sky high and breaking all existing records (don’t we get that every year?), Hyderabadi men and the future of mankind are facing a new kind of threat. Testicular Hyperpyrexia, which means impotence due to exposure of testicles to high temperatures, is the buzz word on every doctor’s tongue. Last week alone, about 400 men were admitted into Carefree Hospital after not being able to get the job done. Doctors predict that Testicular Hyperpyrexia will soon overtake the summer killer, Prickly Heat.

Gali Mama (name changed), 25, who quit smoking to avoid impotence, parked his bike outside Hyderabad House in Madhapur for a 45 minute lunch break.  The bike seat burned his testicles to the 2nd degree and making him, well, useless. “WTF! Who will marry me now? I might as well join Bobby Darling with my dost, Wills Classic,” the MBA graduate said. Similar incidents have been reported all over Hyderabad.

Mr. Hawkins, the famous evolutionary biologist, recently gave the following statement, “This is just the beginning of a new phase in the evolution of man. Male reproductive organs, testes, work best at temperatures slightly less than core body temperature. This is probably why the testes are located outside the body. High school Biology lesson right? Now what happens when the temperature around you is 10-15 degrees more than your core body temperature? Your little swimmers boil to death! Nothing to worry about though, nature is not that cruel. Adaptation is the evolutionary process whereby an organism becomes better able to live in its habitat. In order to survive, we all will eventually adapt which means – yes, our balls are going in. Yours, mine and every guy’s on this planet in the future. Scary but true!”

Scary indeed. Impossible to imagine.

On the other hand, some religions believe that the judgment day has finally come. Al-iz-Well, formerly Al-Qayamat, released another video of Obama Sin Laden, as a proof that he is alive and doing well, commenting on this issue, “This is God’s way of punishing the Amreekans by taking away the beautiful gift of making children.” The States government is yet to comment on the authenticity of the video.

With their plumbings concealed, men will no longer be vulnerable to the existing anti-rape kicks, punches or bites. Martial Arts groups are already devising new ways of self defense against rapists and other trouble makers. “I am just glad we will finally do away with guards. Its just too uncomfortable to run man!” an IPL cricketer added. You would be lucky if cricket survived long enough to witness this change!

Companies have already annouced a line of new products to help men slow down the inevitable damage. iPAD in the economy range and TGIF (Thank God It’s Freezing) in the premium range will be released by IntimateClothing into the market by the end of this quarter.