[Tring tring... tring tring...]

It was the third time in a gap of 10 minutes.

Don’t they ever stop calling? Its a fucking Sunday night for God’s sake! he cursed to himself as he threw his first cup of coffee for the night into the dustbin and sprinted towards the ringing phone.

His manager had instructed him to not miss a single call. I Broadband is all about the customers! One missed call is equal to ten customers lost. As part of quality checks, the management makes calls to make sure the employees do their job. You know what that means, the manager had added with a sly smile.

I Broadband, huh! Why the fuck would anyone name it I Broadband? And he had already missed two calls. No way he was going to get fired for this.

After he caught his breath, he lifted the receiver and, in very casual tone, said,

Hello?

Hi, is this I Broadband?

Yes.

My name is Rahul and I took an Internet connection from you guys two days ago. The engineer came yesterday and finished the installation. However, within an hour after he left, the modems stopped working. We tried everything but could not figure out the problem. Finally, we found out that the modems he provided had burnt out. Luckily we had our external hard disk drives’ 12V adapters. Anyway, after using the Internet connection for almost a day, the modems suddenly stopped working. No matter what we did, nothing happened and it was not the adapters this time. When we called the main call center, they told us that our accounts don’t even exist! How is that possible when we received a system generated SMS with our broadband credentials, an engineer to install everything and the most important point of all – We used the Internet for over a day! After about half an hour, the person I spoke to told me that the information was probably still in the Pune database and so he could not help me in this regard. He then gave me your, the local call center’s, number and asked me to give you guys my MAC address for registration. So now tell me what to do!

Hmm, what do I do now? Poor guy spent fifteen minutes to explain his situation to me. But the manager asked me to give only one answer to any question, he remembered.

Sir, it’s a Sunday night and I am just the night watchman here. Kindly call tomorrow after 11AM. Thank you.

[Phone line clicks off]

Owned!

A slumdog desperately trying to become a millionaire (Con)

A Muslim running away from his past, country and fellow Hindus (Religion stereotype)

A wanna-be-rockstar rebel candidate determined to prove his mother wrong (Freewill)

A prostitute making plans of running her own brothel (Prostitution)

A family too poor to pay back loans and lead a normal life (Organ trade)

5 of the most sensitive issues in India, and…

100 cinema goers desperately waiting for the mid-movie break to figure

WHAT THE FUCK was going through the director’s mind,

{WHERE, WHEN, HOW, WHY} THE FUCK will these 5 subplots merge and

WHO THE FUCK set their GTalk/Twitter statuses to ‘Vedam is good’ that morning

Justice is swift, at least in Tollywood.

Had Allu Arjun been in Mumbai on that fateful day, more lives would have been saved. More importantly, Kasab would not have made it this far for Allu Arjun breaks his neck in the movie. That is Vedam for you. Someone was eventually going to make a movie on the 26/11 attack. New York came out 8 years after the 11/9 attack (DDMM format in India people!). “So why not me?” thought Krish, Vedam’s director. But probably due to the movie’s budget issues, the terrorists had to attack a government hospital and not a 7 star hotel (A small note to terrorists – our government hospitals kill more number of people every day than you ever can.). The movie also did away with expensive SMGs, rifles and explosives by using raw human strength – Allu Arjun’s newly acquired 6 pack for big time flop Varudu and Manchu Manoj’s, err, good body. And just in case the heroes ran short of muscle, their girlfriends (usually called heroines though they have no role other than dancing with the hero) had enough body piercings to finish the job. And since when do ‘Guest Appearances’ appear throughout the movie, intertwined with main plot?

FYI: Anushka’s screen time is not more than 10 minutes (for those of you who are planning to watch the movie for her, like I did)

Now I cannot help but wonder how RGV’s movie on Paritaala Ravi will turn out.

3 years ago, Trivikram came out with Jalsa. Good quality comedy ran throughout the movie. However, the director had some punch lines in his mind for a really long time. The dialogues were written. And that shaped the plot. Not that Jalsa was the first movie to do so, but it deserved a much better, well planned story.

And now Krish’s Vedam. I did not find anything good Krish’s Gamyam either, except Allari Naresh’s comedy, Kamlini Mukherjee’s once-in-a-blue-moon appearances. But then I heard people speak so highly of Vedam, so I decided to give it a try.

Wrong Move! (Another small note to readers: Watch Crash and then Vedam (Crash’s pathetic remake))

Have to watch ‘The Motorcycle Diaries’ soon…

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SPOILER ALERT! Scroll to the top to view it.

Hyderabadi Heat and Darwin’s Theory of Evolution

Aaryan, May 27, 2010, 05.45pm IST

HYDERABAD: With temperatures soaring sky high and breaking all existing records (don’t we get that every year?), Hyderabadi men and the future of mankind are facing a new kind of threat. Testicular Hyperpyrexia, which means impotence due to exposure of testicles to high temperatures, is the buzz word on every doctor’s tongue. Last week alone, about 400 men were admitted into Carefree Hospital after not being able to get the job done. Doctors predict that Testicular Hyperpyrexia will soon overtake the summer killer, Prickly Heat.

Gali Mama (name changed), 25, who quit smoking to avoid impotence, parked his bike outside Hyderabad House in Madhapur for a 45 minute lunch break.  The bike seat burned his testicles to the 2nd degree and making him, well, useless. “WTF! Who will marry me now? I might as well join Bobby Darling with my dost, Wills Classic,” the MBA graduate said. Similar incidents have been reported all over Hyderabad.

Mr. Hawkins, the famous evolutionary biologist, recently gave the following statement, “This is just the beginning of a new phase in the evolution of man. Male reproductive organs, testes, work best at temperatures slightly less than core body temperature. This is probably why the testes are located outside the body. High school Biology lesson right? Now what happens when the temperature around you is 10-15 degrees more than your core body temperature? Your little swimmers boil to death! Nothing to worry about though, nature is not that cruel. Adaptation is the evolutionary process whereby an organism becomes better able to live in its habitat. In order to survive, we all will eventually adapt which means – yes, our balls are going in. Yours, mine and every guy’s on this planet in the future. Scary but true!”

Scary indeed. Impossible to imagine.

On the other hand, some religions believe that the judgment day has finally come. Al-iz-Well, formerly Al-Qayamat, released another video of Obama Sin Laden, as a proof that he is alive and doing well, commenting on this issue, “This is God’s way of punishing the Amreekans by taking away the beautiful gift of making children.” The States government is yet to comment on the authenticity of the video.

With their plumbings concealed, men will no longer be vulnerable to the existing anti-rape kicks, punches or bites. Martial Arts groups are already devising new ways of self defense against rapists and other trouble makers. “I am just glad we will finally do away with guards. Its just too uncomfortable to run man!” an IPL cricketer added. You would be lucky if cricket survived long enough to witness this change!

Companies have already annouced a line of new products to help men slow down the inevitable damage. iPAD in the economy range and TGIF (Thank God It’s Freezing) in the premium range will be released by IntimateClothing into the market by the end of this quarter.